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The man kept doing this to his wife without noticing. The realization came far too late.

Good intentions aren't enough

Matthew Fray is a blogger who  recently wrote a very revealing piece about himself that outlined all of the reasons his marriage failed. He focused on himself and listed all of the mistakes he made as a husband that led his wife to leave him and take their child with her. Matthew realized that a lot of the "small things" that he didn't think were important ended up having a bigger effect than he could have predicted. Unfortunately for him, this realization came too late...

"I don't know everything there is to know about marriage. I might not even know a lot. But I know one VERY important thing: I'm an asshole. And I was a shitty husband.

On Easter Sunday of this year, my wife took her ring off after  nine years of marriage  and informed me she was leaving.

It hurt. It took my breath away. It frightened me.


But I wasn't shocked.

Because we (husbands) have an awful lot more control than we think we do.

And all of us – male and female – need to accept more responsibility than we do for our circumstances.

And that's what I'm going to do now.  Accept some responsibility.

The question on the table today is:

Had I been the husband I was supposed to be during the beginning and middle years of our marriage, would we ever have gotten to the point where my wife was looking elsewhere for inner peace and  happiness?

She most definitely sucks for ending our relationship the way she did. She doesn't get a free pass for that.

But this is where I have to take responsibility – at least part of it – for the position in which I find myself.

I was NOT a perfect husband.

I'm not even sure I was a good husband.

I loved her. I was kind to her. I wanted to make her happy and win her approval. I wanted to take care of her and provide for her. I went to work every day for her. She gave me purpose. I wanted to be with her forever.

But I was an asshole. A selfish one. And while I truly believe I redeemed myself during the final two years of our marriage, when I was growing and she was withdrawing,  I was a shitty husband for the seven years prior.


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